I stand with the Prophet Joseph on this, I feel that immorality is becoming more and more accepted. I feel that as members of the church we are fortunate because most know our standards and help us follow them. I know that in high school I was not tested with that because everyone knew my standards and knew that I would not budge on them.
Pornography
When people view pornography, it is likely done without feeling of love, delight, generosity, consideration, sympathy, and kindness. The end result is a state of numbness, isolation, and loneliness. - Elder Maxwell
Instant Gratification and Instant Solutions
Over time, consumers of pornography are conditioned to believe that they are entitled to instant sexual gratification. This runs counter to the Christlike attributes of persuasion, long suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, and kindness.
Some of the time when times are stressful, pornography can be a "quick fix" but it only allows temporary happiness at best.
Steps to Repairing Marriage after Infidelity
Step #1 Rebuild Trust
Becoming Accountable, taking responsibility for your actions
Establishing Boundaries, to rebuild trust there will have to be boundaries set.
Rebuilding the Trust Bank Account, Rebuilding trust takes time, and progress typically is made only in small steps. Trust is often like a bank account, at the beginning of the marriage the bank account is full, but if infidelity occurs the bank account is wiped out. The bank account will need to be rebuilt by making large and small deposits repeatedly over a period of time.
Step # 2 Gain Perspective
The next step is for both partners to understand how the infidelity came about, exploring aspects of the marriage that made it more susceptible to infidelity. Gaining a better perspective also includes realizing that one person is not responsible for the sins of another.
Step #3 Repentance and Forgiveness
Confession- We need to be humble enough to confess and want help for our sins.
Forsaking Sin- Elder Scott says: "Decide to stop what you are doing that is wrong. Then search out everything in your life that feeds the habit, such as negative thoughts, unwholesome environments, and you companions in mischief."
Finding Forgiveness- "He that has committed adultery and repents with all his heart, and forsaketh it, and doeth it no more, thou shalt forgive" (D&C 42:25) President Kimball says, "In the matter of sexual sin and adultery... repentance is sufficiently all-out and total."
Forgiving an Unfaithful Spouse- Forgiveness is difficult because it requires letting go of the role of victim and its benefits. But while vengeance may feel satisfying in the short run, it will keep the injured spouse stuck in the past. We need to forgive them, and realize that they repented and it is remembered no more.
Step #4 Overcoming Addiction
When infidelity has occurred in the form of a visual affair, it is important to realize that it is not simply a bad habit, but more similar to an illness. Many times counseling by a professional may be needed.
Step #5 Making the Choice to Stay Together
When a couple chooses to stay together, Snyder and colleagues emphasize that this means the choice is also being made to commit to, strengthen, and maintain the relationship. They offer these suggestions about moving on together.
Healing the Past, discussing hard feelings to each other in a caring way may be the most critical step for hurt feelings to be healed.
Strengthening the Present, instead of trying to get back to where they were, a couple should focus on making the most of where they are. They should make efforts to reduce conflict and create opportunities for intimacy and joy.
Enriching the Future, Couples should discuss their dreams of moving forward together and what they are willing to do to make those dreams a reality.
All of these quotes and information was taken out of the book. "Successful Marriages and Families."
No comments:
Post a Comment